feminist

STOP TELLING US WE'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH

A local radio station has been touting all day about their contest that gives away free breast augmentation based on social media votes for “you and your best friend”—“breast friend”—courtesy of a cosmetic surgery clinic. As a child, adolescent, and adult psychiatrist, I’m here to tout fierce opposition to this contest.

I’m a feminist MD so I support women in making personal, informed decisions about their lives, including about abortion or going under the knife for breast augmentation. What I don’t support are the beauty and gender norms imposed on women by society, often patriarchy. And when a man’s voice proclaims to my teenagers and I on our morning commute how me and my best friend can win boob jobs based on how many likes we get on the radio station’s Instagram page, he’s really telling me that my friend and I are not good enough the way we are. Even if he doesn’t intend to send that message, it will be the lesson learned by some vulnerable people. It’s as if he’s telling your daughter, your sister, your niece, your mother, your student, your employee that she is not good enough the way she is.

Maybe I should thank the radio station and the cosmetic surgery clinic. I mean their degrading, damaging, misogynistic message will keep me in business. A majority of the young women and girls I treat are already scarred by social media comparisons, some of them rocked to core with how inadequate they feel every single time they scroll, and now you’re encouraging them to send in photos of themselves and their best friends so they can be judged online more than they already are. Only if they’re deemed worthy enough by a bunch of random people will they be qualified to get the look that is set forth by the western beauty myth.

But I will not thank you. I don’t want more business. I want a world where the young women and girls I treat will feel good enough just because they already are good enough. I want a world where women and girls will be encouraged to speak, disagree, earn, change policy, and be president. I want a world where my teenage daughter isn’t reduced to a body. I want a world where my teenage son isn’t bombarded with hyper-sexualized images and lyrics of women—and now, radio contest announcements that lure women to their very own best in show—that might train him to think of his future girlfriend as nothing more than an object were it not for the protective way my husband and I raise him.

I want a world where I can turn on the radio and no man will ever tell his listeners how women and girls can be better. Because here’s the truth—we already are.




CHECK OUT THE HAWAII BOOK & MUSIC FESTIVAL! I’LL BE REPPIN’ YA LIT & MENTAL HEALTH ON 4 PANELS.

YUP, RANI PATEL IN FULL EFFECT IS FEMINIST AF.

I’m passionate about providing psychiatric treatment to diverse teens who are struggling through various hardships. Along the way, these teens make poor choices in relationships and in self-care because that’s how real life often plays out when youth are raised in chaos. It’s important to me that their imperfect journeys aren’t dismissed. That’s why I’m also dedicated to translating their struggles into realistic young adult fiction that isn’t written to please but rather to expand narrow-minded views of mental health issues and diverse life experiences.

Real life isn’t perfect prose. Real life isn’t a perfect plot. Real life isn’t a perfect, happy ending. Real life can be brutal, scattered, mistake-filled, and beautiful. And when these real-life teens embrace their worth and learn to use their voice, they are fierce. They are feminist AF. Like my teen patients. Like Rani.

This School Library Journal blog post lists amazing, diverse feminist YA books. I’m delighted that RANI PATEL IN FULL EFFECT is on it!

Click on this link:

Feminist AF: Feminist YA That Does Not Disappoint, A Guest Post by Mary Ellis

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Personal Boundaries

Think of personal boundaries as the barriers we set with others to demarcate which of their behaviors towards us are permissible and which are not. Personal boundaries can encompass the following categories: intellectual, physical, emotional, social, and spiritual. My patients who have difficulty knowing and setting their personal boundaries usually lack self-worth or adequate role models from whom to learn these skills. Some lack both.

I lacked both. Growing up, my father crossed boundaries with me and my mother couldn’t maintain any for herself or me. This became my blueprint for life. I was an object that existed first to please my father and later to please others. I did not see any inherent value in myself. It set me up to live and repeat the torturous cycle of poor self-worth, inability to set boundaries, bad decisions, poor self-worth, and on and on.

Fortunately, this is no longer the case for me. These days, my self-worth is strong. I know my boundaries. I set my boundaries. No exceptions. My decisions are better. I can take care of myself and others.

It took much pain and practice to get to this point. And now that I’m here, I want nothing more than to help my patients on their journeys towards healthy self-worth and boundaries.

It takes time, I tell my patients. Generally, we start by identifying family patterns that may have contributed to their ongoing struggles. Then we see how they might be repeating these patterns in their current lives. Next we figure out what their boundaries should be and how they might begin to set them. Setting the boundaries requires assertiveness (being able to verbalize their true thoughts, feelings, wishes, and decisions) and the ability to tolerate the negative feelings that initially accompany not doing what they think other people want. We discuss how they can practice these skills in the here and now of their lives.

There are times when my patients can grasp the theories we discuss, but have a difficult time stopping their own cycles of poor self-worth, inability to set boundaries, and bad decisions. In these cases, involving their families or significant others can be helpful. Sometimes the patients end up repeating their cycles in their therapeutic relationship with me, and on some of those occasions I may have to set strong boundaries with them to role model appropriate behavior. And in order to avoid enabling the cycles that keep them stuck, I might even have to stop treating them. During our final session, I remind them that they are worthy and that it is imperative that they work on knowing and setting limits with others so that they can nurture their own self-worth and sustain and nurture their most important relationships.


Thank you, San Jose Public Library!

I am a HUGE fan of BTS, so this blog post from San Jose Public Library made my day! Click this link to check it out:

YA Friday: Welcome! This is your first time with BTS, right?